Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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