I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
bring money and cleavage
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Drake has all the answers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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