It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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