I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
farters have to be the big spoon...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
