He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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