Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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