A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
