be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
