I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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