Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
