Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
