She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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