Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
