I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
