Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
