Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
