So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Blood and glitter go together right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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