Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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