I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
