I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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