I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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