Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
