Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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