He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
