I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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