Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Even my vagina gasped.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
