Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize