I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
