I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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