You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
