just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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