Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
