He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we have pet lesbian snakes
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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