Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
