You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
