this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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