He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
