You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
