Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
