i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
