i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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