just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
