i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
