Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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