3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
