So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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