any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
please don't ironically join a cult
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