i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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