Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize