i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
