I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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