im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
