I can text with my tongue
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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