Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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