he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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