too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
