My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
